Last February my body decided to crash. Suddenly I couldn’t breathe so I was blue lighted to our local hospital. After a week in their High Dependency Unit, surrounded by angels in uniform, I had been fitted with a temp pacemaker. A week following I had been stabilised and was off oxygen waiting for a permanent pacemaker to be put in.
I felt incredibly vulnerable and frightened. The nurses were calm and reassuring offering comfort and deep compassion. I will be forever grateful to them for their care. However I knew that I needed to look further for ways to control the panic I could sense within me.
I drew upon many years of mindfulness and meditation exercises which flowed into my mind. I gradually began to relax and become more hopeful that I could draw upon my spiritual practise to get me through this incredibly difficult situation.
The simplicity of a mantra or counting breaths cannot be forgotten in these challenging times. I repeated All is Well each day to hold me in a calm space.
The problem I experienced years ago whilst doing the Spiritual Companions course was not building a spiritual practice. I have always been deeply connected to Source and I could build on that solid base. My problem was that every time I sat to meditate I fell asleep. I tried everything including copious amounts of pro plus to keep me awake. I have finally realised that unknown to me I have always had a heart condition . I had no idea. For the last 10 years I have done most of my meditation practice standing up using a tai chi standing position.
I have been very determined to develop my meditation practise but it has been very difficult sometimes to keep going. I can now focus and not fall asleep which is a great joy.
I have recently learnt two things. The first is that the pacemaker is a wonderful invention and second my meditation practise is now in place at last!