In September 2013 I travelled to Mexico to live and travel for 8 months with my partner John. We were in the early stages of our relationship and still getting to know each other. I left behind my home, my work and my community.
I had no idea what lay ahead for me, I was venturing into the unknown.
There was no specific itinerary apart from the initial destination of San Agustinillo on the Pacific Coast where we had reserved a rustic cabana close to the beach. What transpired on that trip, of what felt like many lifetimes, was the opportunity for profound personal growth. My experiences came purely from the living of life, from experiencing life and all that comes with being a spiritual being having a human experience.
I believe that shamanism is a way of life, or perhaps the way we interweave shamanic practices into our everyday life. It is also our relation to the Earth and the elements and the spirits of nature. What I would like to share with you here is what I consider to be a shamanic encounter.
Nature was ever present in our beach cabana location, situated on a hill above the ocean at eye level with the jungle. Our companions were geckos, lizards, crabs, iguanas and a multitude of exotic birds including my favourite, the hummingbird. Our challengers were the omnipresent mosquitos and other invisible creatures that bit us at any opportunity, day and night, even in our bed. Nature also dealt us a series of tropical storms and electric light shows that were out of season, dramatic and drenched us in our open plan ‘home’. Our only retreat from this particular element was our bedroom in the loft made of rush walls and screen windows. It did its best to give us shelter but did not always succeed. The bathroom facilities were outside with no roof and had to be visited with an umbrella and a torch at night.
I grappled with the culture shock, this wilderness in contrast to living in a flat in a city which is what I was used to. Leaving everything I knew behind left me feeling emotional, uprooted and unsure of my purpose. I felt so strongly that I am here to work, to serve, that this is my purpose in life. Who am I without my work? I struggled with this concept. In addition, my soul through my body was speaking out. My lower back and right hip were in pain from the day we arrived, I could barely walk. I felt immobilised and dependent in a strange place. Over the weeks I plunged into a dark night of the soul. I felt I had slid down the ladder of consciousness into a deep dark pit. Yet my spirit was not totally diminished and watched from the place of observer whilst feeling so strongly the physical and emotional pain that I was experiencing.
I was greatly supported during this time by our periodic Spiritual Companions online small group meetings. I was blessed to be in a group with very grounded and supportive companions. This was truly a lifeline in a difficult time to be able to be with people who are emotionally literate and spiritually connected.
After almost one month I was finally able to walk free of pain and that first day with my mobility back I ventured into the ocean. This stretch of Pacific coast has a huge tidal capacity operating in at least 3 directions at the same time. The waves are robust and knock you off your feet, and I had not been strong enough previously to buffer their blows. That day we stayed close to the shore, perhaps waist deep but no more. I found a little pocket in the water where I could be a little more submerged. Then suddenly I felt a pulling by the ocean. As I put my feet down, I felt the sand slip from under my feet and I was swept away by a rip tide. Within moments the distance between me and the shore increased. I called out to John, but he could not hear me above the sound the waves. Thankfully he made it safely to shore.
The beach was deserted. I waved my arms in hope that someone somewhere would see me. Then the battle with the ocean began. One wave would push me under and as I came up for breath another would be over my head and the cycle repeated. There was no opportunity to catch my breath, to get air. As I fought with one element, I sought the other.
Before long I was struggling to breathe. I was feeling fatigued, and I could feel the water I had swallowed gurgling in my lungs. I was submerged again and this time I plunged deeper, and it was an age before I reached the surface again. In that moment I considered that lying back and letting the ocean take me would be easier than the fight. I knew if I made that choice it would be the end. The end of this life. Is this what the end looks like, I asked myself? Do I want this to be the end? I decided No this was not what my end looked like. No, I did not want it to be the end and I chose life. As I emerged once again from the aqua green water I prayed for help to come. I don’t want to die. I want to live.
I sent the energetic request out into the ether.
And my prayers were answered. A young man with a bodyboard suddenly appeared and pulled me to safety followed closely by a lifeguard.
The date was 29th September, Michaelmas. The young man who came to rescue me was called Michael. He had seen me waving my arms from his home high on the hill and had run down to save me
I had experienced and survived what I consider to be a shamanic death. I felt I had viewed death, stared it in the face and had chosen not to die that way. In that moment when I was under the water, it was if a doorway opened and I was being given the opportunity to walk through it. ‘You’ve been having a hard time. Here’s the way out’.
I chose life. I still have more to do in this life, in my body, here and now.
That night, for the first time, I consciously asked to wake up the next morning.
My appreciation and gratitude for life was renewed.
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Tiffany is a Spiritual Companion. To find out more: www.tiffanystephens.co.uk